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本帖最后由 柏木雪狐 于 2016-8-11 17:55 编辑
I always have problems on self-measurement.
Sometime I consider myself a fxxxing lucky bastard aged 28 who sitting on $400k+ bankroll with family members who love me and support me. Now I was on comfortable private boss games where I could both gain money and reputation, plus rake-free poker circult. Gaining such a decent paid job is undoubtedly precious on the currecnt employment market.
But on the other side, I've been insanely unlucky with my love career. For every part of relationship, I could hardly rememeber if there is any I didn't devote all my heart inside, burned down hundreds of thousands but nothing left besides of a bunch of sensational memories. For a dozen of times I feel like the cute innocent girl who stand in front of my sight is the right one for me, but the chance just keep slipped away that I had totally no idea what things could be like this. In the end, I start lost courage to try more and devote more, the wound cuts deep and I simply could not bear anymore.
Is it my destiny? I have yet to confess. Right now for me, don't even expected much for my Ms.Right. I better try hard with building muscle, get strong, collect more bankroll, practice more with my lauguage skill, keep grinding more poker session, make it "nanonoko".
At the very begging of my career, I childishly thought that I could make some close friends when playing poker, just cuz "I play good n they respect my skills." Ironically, I've seen so many hostility,quarrel, curse, blow-up and tons of sxxx on the table. Money is a true test, for almost everyone.
Obiously, the outcome of sweet dream went ugly.
I would never say I want to be a professional poker player.
I m still the one seeking respect and acceptance.
Seeking love, seeking every aspect of this glamorous world.
On my own.
________________________________________
There's gotta be another way out
I've been stuck in a cage with my doubt
I've tried forever getting out on my own.
But every time I do this my way
I get caught in the lies of the enemy
I lay my troubles down
I'm ready for you now.
Bring me out
come and find me in the dark now
Everyday by myself I'm breaking down
I don't wanna fight alone anymore
Bring me out
from the prison of my own pride
My God
I need a hope I can't deny
In the end I'm realizing I was never meant to fight on my own
Every little thing that I've known is every thing I need to let go
You're so much bigger than the world I've made
So I surrender my soul
I'm reaching out for your hope
I lay my weapons down
I'm ready for you now.
I don't wanna be incomplete
I remember what you said to me
I don't have to fight alone
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